🕊️ As Long As You Need: Giving Ourselves Permission to Grieve

by Jason “JB” Becker | What The Hell Do I Know with JB, Episode #063

Grief is one of those things we all think we understand — until it shows up at our own door.

For some, it comes as a slow fade. For others, it’s the phone call in the middle of the night that changes everything. However it arrives, grief demands something of us: honesty, stillness, and a permission we rarely give ourselves — to feelit for as long as we need.

That’s exactly what my guest, J.S. Park — or as his friends call him, Joon — has dedicated his life to helping others understand. He’s a hospital chaplain, author, and someone who’s spent years walking into rooms that most of us couldn’t bear to enter. His book, As Long As You Need: Permission to Grieve, gives language to pain most of us don’t know how to name.

J.S. Park author - "As Long As You Need: Permission to Grieve"

“Grief doesn’t have an expiration date,” Joon told me. “It changes shape, but it never disappears.”

The Chaplain Who Makes Space for Pain

Joon’s job isn’t to fix anyone. It’s to make space — for anger, for tears, for silence, for the screams that tell the truth. He reminded me that when we rush to calm someone who’s grieving, we’re often trying to comfort ourselves, not them.

“Sometimes,” he said, “the best theology you can offer is your presence.”

That line hit me. Because if you’ve ever been in a hospital room, or at a funeral, or sitting in the quiet after a loss, you know — there’s no right thing to say. The ministry is in the showing up.

Grace for Every Stage

We talked about how every person grieves differently. Some cry. Some shut down. Some laugh. And some — like me — try to fix everything because sitting in the pain feels impossible.

But what Joon offered was grace. Grace for those who need more time. Grace for those who grieve loudly. Grace for those who can’t cry at all.

He calls it grief literacy — learning how to understand, hold, and express loss in ways that don’t shame or silence others.

The Faith That Survives the Fire

There was a moment in our conversation that stopped me cold. Joon said,

“If your theology doesn’t work for the suffering, it doesn’t work at all.”

Let that one sit.

Because we’ve all heard the clichés — “everything happens for a reason,” “God needed another angel,” “they’re in a better place.” But those words, as pretty as they sound, often crumble under the weight of real pain.

Joon reminded me that faith isn’t about explaining suffering — it’s about enduring it with love. It’s about being present for the people who are bleeding and broken, and saying, “I’m not going anywhere.”

The Lesson We All Need

This episode wasn’t just about grief. It was about grace — for others, for our past, and for ourselves.It was about giving that scared, 25-year-old version of yourself a hug and saying, “You’re doing better than you think.”

It was about remembering that healing isn’t linear, faith isn’t always clean, and love doesn’t quit when life gets hard.

And maybe most of all, it was about learning to sit with our pain — without needing to wrap it up with a bow.

Because sometimes the most spiritual thing you can do is just breathe.

Or don’t.What the hell do I know.

📘 As Long As You Need: Permission to Grieve

by J.S. Park — available now wherever books are sold.Follow J.S. Park: @jspark3000

🎙 Host: JB — @_jason_becker💡 Sponsors:

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🧠 Listen & Watch:🎧 What The Hell Do I Know with JB — available on YouTube, Spotify, and Apple Podcasts.💻 www.thejabronis.com